


Inside the Mind of Ben Gross

by Hmarie1995



Category: Never Have I Ever (TV)
Genre: Canon, F/M, Jealous, Pining, ben’spov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 06:13:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26847223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hmarie1995/pseuds/Hmarie1995
Summary: What I think might have gone through Ben’s head on his birthday. Through his loneliness and his pining over Devi.
Relationships: Ben Gross & Devi Vishwakumar, Ben Gross/Devi Vishwakumar
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	Inside the Mind of Ben Gross

**Author's Note:**

> If this does okay I might do more episodes. This is my first attempt at fan fiction so let me know how I did!

Morning of Ben’s birthday at home

I woke up this morning in an alright mood. Ever since I had dinner with Davi and her family I’ve been feeling slightly less alone. Then I realized it was his birthday. I wonder if anyone’s going to actually remember?

I came downstairs to find breakfast and a strange cake with some thing vaguely resembling my head on the counter. At least my parents did remember even if they probably won’t stick around for it. This is a start at least. I hear my dad’s booming voice

“Here’s the birthday boy” as he wraps his arm around me for a slight hug.

“Do you like your cake?” My mom questions. It’s a slight effort on their part to make them feel less guilty.

“Yeah, I love it. It’s me.” I laugh a little. Trying to sound convincing.

“ well I don’t know who you’re a fan of these days so I decided to have it made after my favorite star.” She tries to justify. It hurts that she has no clue about my interests whatsoever “Oh, I want a photo of you next to your cake head.” I comply and lean back towards to get into the frame “Oh, honey don’t lean back that’s not attractive”

Happens next is what I saw coming all along, but the sting of it still hurts

“Listen sweetie, I’m so so so sorry that we have to go away on your birthday. 2 Chainz moved up the launch of his new spiced rum and he says he needs me there” my dad uses his fake guilty voice.

They go on for the next moment or two trying to say that they would skip it if they could or if I wanted them to as usual. Anything to make them sound less like bad parents. Telling me to throw my own party and giving me a thousand dollars to try and make it all okay. As usual I play the role of a son who wouldn’t get in his parents way then tell them to go and I will be fine.

In school  
Walking through the halls today feels no different than any other day at school. I feel ignored by everyone especially someone who supposed to be my girlfriend. I say hi to Shira and she doesn’t even remember that it’s my birthday. I make my way to a joke of a history class and sit down waiting for another mundane day continue. Devi walks in looking slightly upset.

“ Have you seen Eleanor and Fabiola?” As she comes straight up to my desk.

“ sorry I haven’t, but then again my eyes can’t pick up anything below six” I try and quip back, trying to lighten her mood.

“Ben, I don’t have time to listen to you pretend to have standards” she sighs out. Clearly my attempt at humor didn’t help. She makes her way to sit down at her desk and I can’t fight the urge to check on her.  
I turn around just as she sitting in her desk. “What’s going on? Are you okay.” But of course before she can answer Mr. Shapiro comes up to me.

“Birthday acknowledgment Ben.” He states.

“ Uhh thanks?” I reply with probably the most confused facial expression ever. Mr. Shapiro rambles on about emotions, but finally leaves me alone. Suddenly I feel a hit on my shoulder. I flinch and grab my arm realizing that the punch was from Devi.

“Is it your birthday? Why didn’t you say something? This is the one day I have to be nice to you!” She exclaims at me with excitement in her eyes. I love when she looks at me like this and I don’t know when I started to feel that way.

“Then why did you punch me?” I’m a little confused by that but I’m curious.

“That was a friendship punch! So are you gonna have a party or something?” Devi questions.

“I don’t really like to make a big deal out of birthdays. I’m sort of a low-key man of mysteries.” I try and be as smooth as possible.

She rolls her eyes and reminds me, “You Instagramed and your PSAT scores”

“Yeah! To try and inspire others to achieve the impossible.” I joke with her. Next thing I know I hear I familiar voice in the background calling her name. She lights up a little and it’s secretly driving me nuts that Paxton is the one that she really wants.

As they talk I stare down at my desk until I hear him tell her she looks great. So I glance over to see Devi looking beautiful in a picture on his laptop. It looks like she did a photo shoot or some thing. Next thing I know I’m doing something stupid.

“You know what David? I think I am gonna have a party” I say lying through my teeth.

“Really?” Davi finally takes her attention off stupid Paxton for the first time since he walked in.

“ Yeah so you should come if you want.” And dear god am I hoping she’ll want to come.

“Okay, awesome! I’ll be there.” Finally something might go right on my birthday after all. “Can Paxton come?”

My heart restricts, my stomach sinks, and I know for a fact that my face falters. I look over at Paxton and he smirks at me ever so slightly. Now I actually have to invite other people so I don’t seem like a loser. So I say the only thing I can, “Yeah, definitely”

“Cool, Can I invite Trent?” Paxton asks with fake niceties.

“Yeah. Sure. Whatever. Anyone can come. Party at my house tonight” I halfheartedly announce to the class. Next thing I know I see Fabiola and Eleanor walk in. Class starts and I welcome the distraction. 

The rest of the day is even more annoying. Mostly filled with people coming up to me asking what time the party starts and Shira bitching at me for not giving her enough time to get another outfit for the party. Feel like she doesn’t even register that it’s my birthday.

People start to arrive for my party but I never wanted to throw in the first place. More alcohol is brought in and I feel like it’s going to be a bad night. I make my way over to Trent and Greg to try and have small talk and get a drink. It’s probably the worst punch that I’ve ever had. Every new person that arrives just gets on my nerves more especially the fact that none of them are Devi. 

I barely talk to Shira all night and honestly I don’t really care. Sounds bad of me to say but I don’t think I would’ve even noticed if she didn’t show up. At this point I really know I should break up with her but I’m scared if I do I’ll be even more alone and more of a social outcast. I know she’s just with me for my money but at least with her I don’t appear alone all the time. Except for the one person who gets it, Devi, she’s the only person I’ve opened up to about this so far.

The night drags on and Dave he still hasn’t shown up. I go upstairs to get away from the party. I can’t believe I threw this entire party just for Davey and she hasn’t even shown up. I look out my window onto the drive and I see her tan skin and black hair walking into my house. I make sure I look alright and slowly saunter down the stairs after a couple minutes to make sure I don’t look too desperate.

“David! You came!” Sounding more excited than I meant to but never breaking the habit of using my nickname for her. “Welcome to me casa” in an attempt to sound casual.  
“Wow, I knew you were rich but this is like the house they live in on The Bachelor” she pauses and I let out a breathy laugh. I can’t help but smile at her. “Wait, is it that house?” She questions excitedly.

“No, but it was used in a peloton commercial once! Here, let me give you a tour.” I smile as she follows me. We walk around for a moment and I guide her to the screening room. The look on her face as she walks in practically screams amazement.

“Oh my god! Is this a freaking screening room?” I start to laugh quietly at her reaction. “Can you imagine watching Finding Nemo on this? He’d be like this big!” Holding her arms out to show dramatic effect.

I tell her and dumb fact about how it was built. Then she asks “Aren’t your parents gonna be pissed that you threw a party here”

“Nah, they’re the ones who told me to throw it, I think they feel guilty about ditching me on my birthday” the look on her face instantly changes and I can see pity in her eyes. That is probably one of the last emotions I would ever want to see on my former nemesis turned friend’s face. 

“Oh I’m sorry. That sucks” She tells me.

I try to brush it off the best I could, “Eh, I’m used to it. My life is kind of like home alone, but if the parents realize that Kevin got left behind and they stayed in Paris”

“That’s messed up dude” she humors “ well I brought you a present. My mom would be mad if she found out I came here, but she’d kill me if I came empty handed.” As she passes me a box of candy.

“Wow, thank you. This is actually the only present I got other than a postcard from the dentist.” Here she is again making me feel not alone.

“Happy birthday Ben.” And suddenly I am the biggest dumbass on the planet. I am overcome by affection for her. The next thing I do is stupid but I just can’t help it.

I lean in to try and kiss her, but she moves back quickly. “Woah! We’re you just trying to kiss me?” She asks as if it’s the weirdest thing on the planet.”

For a second I thought I was going to try and play it off. “No.. yes. I’m sorry! I don’t know what I was thinking. Just forget I did that?” Hoping to move past this quickly. Internally praying I didn’t screw it all up.

“It’s cool.” She assures me.

“It’s cool?” Hearing her say this gets my hopes up again, but yet again I’m a moron. Leaning in yet again to kiss her. She looks just as horrified as the first time I tried.  
“Ben! What the hell? Don’t you have a girlfriend?” The reminder of that fact is like a bucket of ice water dumping on my head.

“Yeah, I’m an idiot” she’s making me that way right now.

“Okay. Now it’s weird. You’ve made it weird. I’m just going to go get a drink.” She gets up suddenly fleeing the room. As she’s getting up I’m sitting there stunned looking even more stupid than I have been in the past five minutes. I get up to turn on my heels and follow after her back into the crowd of party goers. She made me nearly forget that everyone was here.

“Hey, I’m really sorry. I’m kind of drunk.” I try to explain as I catch up to her.

She actually responds “Yeah, I can tell” 

“No really, I’ve had way to much of Trent’s punch” even though that was yet another lie I’ve told her today. The first of which was what got her here to begin with. “Don’t drink that by the way”

“Why is it laced with something? LSD, CBD, MDMA?” She questions excitedly.

“No Trent just put his balls in it” which is just disgusting, “ see, they’re laughing at whoever drinks it.”

Devi runs out because she sees Fabiola trying to get a cup of punch. I walk out after her just in time to see the entire bowl of punch accidentally dumped on Fabiola. Suddenly she’s yelling at Devi over being a bad friend. Telling her that she’s obsessed with popularity and of course freaking Paxton H-Y. I shoot an annoyed glare in his direction as Paxton watches the fight unfold. During which Fabiola accidentally comes out, but luckily as far as I see no one is making fun of her.

Next Eleanor is the one to yell at Davi. Tell her she’s lost. Of course Devi has to have the last word but her clumsiness lands her in the pool. I flinch as I watch her go backwards into the pool but can’t go after her because Shira’s arm is now around me. What’s worse is I see Paxton going after her and pulling her out of the pool. All I feel is disappointment and annoyed that he’s going to her rescue again. Next thing I know is that Shira’s pulling me inside the house, but I can’t help but look back at Devi and freaking Paxton.

Shira’s excuse for pulling me inside the house was to make out, but I knew it was just to take pictures in my parent’s extravagant looking bedroom. I look out the window to see Paxton leaning against his Jeep. Then see Devi pop out from around the side wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants, which I’m guessing belongs to stupid fucking Paxton! God I don’t even know if he’s really into her or not. I can’t be jealous of what I don't have. Nor can I be jealous especially if I don’t know what’s going on, but here I am stupidly jealous.  
Shira and I don’t even kiss that night and leaves when her friends leave. Which is not a surprise, not a single person has said happy birthday except Devi. Now I have to spend the next couple days trying to figure out what to say to her.


End file.
